For this author, creative endeavors have been sorely tested by motherhood. But also transformed, and in ways she wouldn’t have imagined – couldn’t have, without her life “rewritten” as it has been, by her children. So linger here, to read all things weaverly, writerly and motherly.

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Monday, January 23, 2012

Bearded Dragon Momma

Once-Upon-a-Tale Tuesday
So you know where to find my latest tales
 (autobiographical but fictionally finessed),
 I'm going to schedule them for Tuesdays
 (posting Monday night!). 


Stop by otherwise, for this and that and the other thing.

It's not so awful putting your back out. Slipping in slippery slipper socks Christmas morning, to wind up in a crumpled heap of pajamas and spilled coffee.

And there's your whole pajama-ed family looking down at you, in great alarm. Well, at least your husband the boys could no more be distracted from ripping open their Christmas presents than the gerbils from shredding toilet paper.

"I'm ok," I said, my husband pulling my up, uncrumpling me like a tangled puppet.

I had fallen in slow motion. A silly little slip. And there I was holding my back.

"You're in pain, " he said.

It was Christmas morning. There was an eye of the round to roast. "I'm fine."

And I was fine, at least when my middle back didn't seize up so I'd stand stiff as a board at the sink rinsing string beans.

The next morning I went to the doctor who confirmed that I'd pulled some back muscles. 

And who put me on very nice pills.

So pulling some back muscles finally isn't so awful, not once you're on nice pills (My Good News). With a few muscle relaxants and a bit of Tylenol and codeine, even the sun falling through your incredibly dirty windows, highlighting your children's hand and tongue prints (yes, in boredom they might resort to licking windows) looks lovely:





I mean, get this: you don't have to vacuum. Or do laundry.

You actually have to rest. At least for a couple of days, on the living room couch, playing with your own new toy, the ipad2 your hubby so lovingly gave you (and to think some girls prefer diamonds).

Chaos can rein: scattered everywhere, Christmas stocking doodads of eraser cars, jacks, half-done mini puzzles, elastic dinosaurs, juggling balls, wind-up robots, gooey Phlarp (Google it). 

But I there I lay. Supine. Playing with my new toy.

What is wrong with Mommy?" Kenny asked Daddy, looking at me on the couch, as if gazing at a caged animal.  As he'd asked me about the bearded dragon in the tank at their dentist's office, wondering why it barely ever moved.

"How come she gets to do computer stuff all day?" Ryan asked, a computer addict, if we didn't allot him only one daily hour dose. (Hypocrite that I am, now an ipad addict.)

"We're going to leave Mommy alone today," Daddy said, picking up some stocking toys to put in a discarded Christmas shirt box. "Her back hurts and we want her to feel better."

Truly perfect timing, as Daddy had the week between Christmas and New Years off.

Daddy steered the boys away from the caged bearded dragon momma, futilely trying to get them to pick up their clutter, their Drago Universe monstrosities:




...only for them to become distracted by cool new pocket-sized Hot Wheels remote control cars.

But I was relaxed, on pills, and supine. What could be better, considering if I was upright, unsupine, I'd wind up picking up (bending) the mess myself.


But then my back began to feel better. I no longer needed the pills. Daddy had to go back at work. And Christmas decorations, the large stuffed snowmen, the array of Christmas red and green cats, had to be put away. The tree, long since rigor mortised, had to be hauled out to the curb.

Though the Christmas Santas still sit on the windowsill:



And I have yet to puzzle the bull-dozed creche back into its box:



A lone Christmas bear forgotten:




The reason for such neglect is that as soon as I caught up on laundry, vacuuming, and putting away most of the Christmas stuff, I put my back out again.

"Didn't you do that already?" practical little Kenny asked, hanging an old spiderman from a bookshelf.

"I decided to do it again. I like the couch."

This time it was my lower back. Rather than taking ballerina steps as I had when it was my upper back, I waddled duck-like to avoid that upper-buddock pain.

What did I do to my poor back this time? Who knows. Maybe it was turning my mother's mattress. Maybe it was my middle-aged decision to take up tennis and use muscles I haven't used in twenty- odd years. But at the market I had to bend over the meat case and didn't like it. I had to reach for a mega-sized Quaker Oats, and I didn't like that either.

But I do like the nice pills. And I do like spending days on the couch again, across from the filthy windows and the nearly now off-season Santas still on the sill. Chaos reins again, as once Daddy did get the boys to put away their new Christmas toys, they decided to pull out the old long forgotten. So, along with dirty sock, resurrected superheroes now litter the floor:



Kenny even (literally) dusted off a last year-Christmas-cast-off present, his fake realistic battery-breathing cat (we're allergic):




Actually my back feels better. But I'm not telling anybody.  Shhhhh. DON'T TELL.






9 comments:

Grandmother Carolyn said...

LOVE IT! I, too, of the back-goes-out-unexpectedly! We should talk.....
Grandmother Carolyn

Nicole said...

I really enjoyed this, you have a way of painting the picture when you write.

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

Ha-I wouldn't tell either! I like that your have a set day for your stories. Loved this one as always! Amazing what can happen when mom takes a some days off!

That breathing cat looks so real!

Spilled Milkshake said...

Ha ha!! I wouldn't tell either! Us moms deserve a break...and if a back injury is what it takes to get it, then so be it. Milk it for all its worth.

I am sorry you keep hurting your back, though. I can understand. As a part of my disease, my pelvic and stomach muscles are deteriorating and my back goes out about every other day. I just have to pace myself.

Great writing, by the way. I love how descriptive you are!!

Christine Cline said...

Oh if I could have your silver tongue! My favorite Find of the week!

Linda B said...

Visiting you from the weekend warrior blog hop.

Like the way your write. Hope you enjoy time on the couch without back pain.

Anne @ Green Eggs and Moms said...

Sorry about your back but at least it gives you some time to rest. Visiting from GTKY blog hop.

lisa from insignificant at best said...

You are sneaky and I like it! LOL Glad your back is better! Hope you get to enjoy some relaxation! :)

Lisa
P.S. Thanks for linking up to the GTKY blog hop! :)

Barbara D.Biscoe said...

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