For this author, creative endeavors have been sorely tested by motherhood. But also transformed, and in ways she wouldn’t have imagined – couldn’t have, without her life “rewritten” as it has been, by her children. So linger here, to read all things weaverly, writerly and motherly.

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Friday, June 1, 2012

Writing Workshop Prompt: "Close" first person point of view

Trying out my own writing prompt for my Writing Workshop Hop: experimenting with the close first person point of view. I'm far more comfortable writing in the more formal first person, so this is a challenge for me as well. What do you think? Can you guess the character's age?

Joey says I'm a liar. He says I'm lying about moon trees – I swear it, we have them. You know, how trees can look when the moon is a big? Like sticks. The trees, I mean. I don't think all trees look like black sticks, just some. The ones with not so many leaves. Those are the moon trees. My Gramma even told me they're real; that some astronaut took seeds into space then brought them back to plant on Earth.

 

But I don't believe Joey, when he says he has some tree that's the only one on the whole planet. The whole planet! That it's ginormous, bigger than his house. Not that I've been to his house. His desk is just next to mine at school. He draws dragons on his and gets in trouble a lot. He even got on Red and had to bring a note home. You know it's bad, when a note goes home to your mom.

Anyways, my mom used to call me a liar too. Well, she wouldn't say it to my face, but she'd sit me down to talk. About why she found that little Batman thing in my pocket -- I forget she empties my pants before she washes them, and I was mad. But I couldn't tell her I stole it from some bin at the shoe store where she gets my sneakers. That made her madder because, well...I mean, she knew I took it. She had it in her hand.

Anyways, I was only like four. Four year olds take stuff so I wouldn't say I was lying....anyways, she made a big deal about how I could go to jail for taking stuff and made me go back to the store and give it to the man who always gives me a balloon after we buy his shoes. I didn't even know what it was until I saw other Batmans and even Spidermans in the holes of a shoe -- now I know those are crocs, because I asked a girl in the fourth grade why she had these holes in her rubber shoes....

Anyways, the man just shrugged, said no big deal, it happens all the time. That little kids just take those little shoe things. My mother didn't like that he shrugged, and that made her madder and go on and on and oooonnnn about how wrong stealing stuff is.

Ok, so I don't steal anymore. And I don't lie. Or if I'm not always telling the truth, then I just don't say anything. Like when my computer time is up but I sneak back onto the computer when she's in the shower to build one more wall on my Minecraft house. It's so cool, all underground, with torches and everything. And if you build it right, the monsters outside can't get you.

The first person point of view prompt is still up so link up for some fiction fun!



 

10 comments:

Libby said...

Nice!! He is about 7??

I think he is realistic - like a friend's kid prattling on about someone at school 'getting on Red.' LOL! That is exactly how they phrase it!

November Rain - k~ said...

He has to be in at least the 5th grade, because he references a girl in the fourth grade as though it was a past memory. I would say he is 9-10 depending on when he started school ;-)

Journey of Life said...

This story reminds me of a friend of mine, who did the same to her daughter and asked her daughter to apologize to the cashier. Good life lesson!

Kathy said...

I love this!! It is just like you got into his head. Brilliant!! Now I understand what you mean. ♥

Kathy
http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

Phoenixritu said...

The boy should be around ten years old or so. Nice story

Suzy said...

My guess is about 10 years old. Nicely penned.

Lynn Proctor said...

i think at least 10 which was honestly my first thought but could be up to 13--nicely done!!

laila said...

He's 4 years old.In the 4th para you say'Anyways, I was only like four. Four year olds take stuff so I wouldn't say I was lying'

Me said...

I am so sorry Sandra, I think I missed reading out something before joining the hop. Please remove my blog link from that one.

I am extremely sorry for the confusion!!

Lucy said...

I think it's awesome that you participated in your own blog hop! It gives me a chance to really see close first person in addition to "A&P". I can't wait to go back and make some changes in my story after reading yours! Thank you!

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